I am so Sorry, You Will Find Someone…

Posted by
Sunflower
Summer 2017 – South Dakota – Joy Ranch

 

I was single from the age of 39 to 47 and during this time I stumbled upon someone from my childhood on Facebook. While we were getting caught up on approximately 30 years of absence, I told her that I was single and an empty nester and I was living alone for the first time in my life. Before I could share my enthusiasm, she cut in and said, “I am so sorry, you will find someone.”

I didn’t understand why she insinuated so quickly that my singleness was something to apologize for. I have been single before and wasn’t content with myself or my situation. I have also been a single parent and assuredly know the stress that can come with that life. But, during this phase of my singleness I was content and enjoying life. I had friends, a social life, I was active in the church and volunteered in my community. I gave myself away in many healthy ways and intentionally surrounded myself with good company.

Life isn’t perfect and I certainly had some obstacles that singles frequently face but I don’t remember dwelling in them. I do remember keeping busy to avoid dullness of time while I also remember enjoying empty time. I remember money being tight transitioning to living on a single income and my employer announcing job cuts. I can honestly say I felt fear for a quick moment before I remembered I trust in the Lord.

Why do single and married people automatically think singles aren’t happy?

If we can’t be happy with ourselves in singleness, we won’t be content or contribute much value in a marriage.

Phil 4:11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content.

8 comments

  1. I was a single mom for nine years and I was very content: I had an adorable daughter, meaningful work and one night a week to spend in conversation with interesting friends, if I so chose. It didn’t cross my mind until about year eight that I ought to look for someone. I think the key to being contentedly single is, as you said, the ability to enjoy one’s own company.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Julie, I believe I had to become a strong Christian single to have the marriage God has blessed me with today. I hope you are just as blessed as I am. Thank you for sharing!! Praising Him!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I am going to be honest that I am struggling to find contentment in my singleness. I am soon to be divorced and have had promises from God for someday restoration of my marriage, but not until my husband has been drawn back to God. I don’t know Gods plan and I don’t know how long it will take. I am having a hard time finding joy in all this. How did you get to this place of contentment?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My contentment did not come over night, in fact it took a few years of pursuing. My situation may not have been the same as yours but I am more than willing to share. I was drawn for purity in my life and I did what I call “cleaning house”. (there is a post in the making about this) I set boundaries on what and who I allowed in my life and I learned to firmly say “no”. I totally removed myself from some relationships and put a distance to others. I spent a lot of time in prayer, literally on my knees. There was a few things that I read in the bible that I thought was things that we only reached for and strived to experience but that we wouldn’t actually get to experience until eternity; joy and contentment. I asked for these things along with wisdom. I asked Him to show me what I needed to repent from and asked that He make my life purposeful and to use me. I asked that He show me what areas of my life I hadn’t truly surrendered yet so I could surrender each one. I had always been an Israelite, even if I didn’t always complain out loud, I lived a life of “what about me? doesn’t He have a plan for me? surely there has to be more to life than this?” and I wanted to step it up and experience it. It’s all about Him and nothing to do with me! nothing to do with me! I had to let go of what I wanted and live for His will and admit to myself that I need Him in every area and that I don’t have a clue what is best for me, even if it makes sense at the time. He has blessed me in so many ways, including friends and prayer partners. I can’t put some of the blessings in words. I see Him in a totally different way. Don’t misunderstand, I have a long ways to go in quite a few areas but yes, I am more content than I have ever been and I have joy. Making Him Lord of my life as I asked Him to be at my baptism years ago means stepping back and letting Him live outside of my hip pocket so He can lead. I turned all my desires to Him.

      Liked by 1 person

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